DW

Snnnnnnuh, Ahha-hah! SnnuuuAHH!  "OH F*CK!" The one scoundrel says to his friend.  "What am I gonna do?" He holds both hands to the sides of his head. "Fuck; Lynn! I snorted a GDAMN roach up my nose!"
"What the fuck?" Lynn asks, "You supposed to smoke a roach; dumbass, not snort it!"
"No, bitch!" he said, "I actually snorted a Gdamn, muthafuck’n, cock-roach up my muthafuck'n nose!"
"WTF Kenny?" Lynn yelled, "How does that even happen?" she laughed. She more than laughed.  "Oh, God!" she says. "I'm gonna piss myself!" Shaking her head left to right while continuing to chuckle uncontrollably. 
"How the fuck does that even happen?" Lynn jokingly pleads for him to tell. Lynn still was bellowing out her enthusiastic laughter.
"Bitch never mind, how it happened! There is literally; a cockroach up my nose, crawling around on my GDamn brain, right now; this second!"  Kenny was very anxious; for a minute or two.
"Well, what are you gonna do?" Lynn asked.
"Fuck it," Kenny said, "What can I do?" "Go to the hospital and tell them we ran out of pills, so I figured I'd try to snort a fuck'n roach?" Lynn by now bending over, using her left arm to balance herself on the back of the kitchen chair, still bouncing from her continuous giggles.
"FK it," he said before bending over to use his other nostril to ingest the rest of his medicine. 
"Now that's how you start the day!" Kenny boasted as he flicked his red straw up against the wall. Then he wretch toward the ashtray to retrieve the still smoking joint. Kenny put it to his lips and toked. He walked through the doorway. He turned after a few steps, passing it back to Lynn.  The two bumbling idiots then sat together in the living room to plan their trip. The pair had concocted a brilliant plan, they thought. One to go to another state to get cigarettes at a discount price, to bring them back to sell, for a slightly higher price. That's what Lynn had proposed to Kenny. Lynn was older than Kenny. So, he usually was down with whatever she had on her mind.   Everyone knew this gruesome twosome; to get into all kinds of mischief on any given day. They were about to leave on a two-day trip, out of state, all alone, in an older car that Kenny borrowed from his parents, who probably were not aware. And who knows what all they had on them? So at least it sounds safe enough, but who knows? 
  The two settled that they would leave that night. And nothing; but good intentions on their mind. Aside from going across the state line to transport illegal cigarettes in the first place, let's all wish them the best!
 
                It was still light outside, probably just turning eight o'clock.  It was mid-July, on a Friday night.  It started with Kenny being Ill because Lynn wouldn't let him drive.  She sarcastically explained how it would be dangerous because of his epilepsy and that if he didn't smoke so much maybe, she would let him drive more. 
Lynn shook her head to the side, scoffing, then looks over at him as he fidgets his hands to catch the running joint burning his fingers, then slinging his hand up and down; to eliminate the pain.  She grinned, reaching out to intercept the smoking stem.  She concluded her endearing smile and hung her wrist on the top of the wheel, steady.  Lynn regained focus on the highway.
"Hey Lennie," Kenny prodded,
"Don't call me that!"  Lynn snapped,
"Yeah yeah," Kenny replied, "Lennie," he chuckled with glee as he continued.     He asked her to explain again; how they were getting such a great deal on these cigarettes. 
"Prick..." Lynn smirked, under her breath, still pondering about him calling her Lennie for a second time.  Lynn didn't like being called Lennie because of one of her past altercations with the police.  Four officers almost killed her, and the whole time, while beating her, they condescended as they kept calling her name out that way, trying to shame her while they all took turns attacking her.  She still has never gained back full sight in her left eye caused by a severely excessive dose of pepper spray. 
"Well," Lynn finally spoke, breaking the silence:
"Don't worry 'Lil brother," she told Kenny, "Let's just say we about a' get a hell of a deal on a pack of Marlboros, Byatch!" Kenny just busted out laughing at her delightful response.  He looked back at Lynn:
"Good enough for me!' he said thoughtlessly... "Here; hit this shit!"  pushing the second joint toward her face.  The second joint, in ten minutes; now.  These two talked to each other just in any old way because they were the best of friends.  Kenny met Lynn when he was 13-14.  She probably had twenty years on him.  Lynn had already been through quite a rough life herself before even meeting Kenny; years ago.  She had already been through many troubles with the law and had been through just as many girls.  They were very close.  Kenny was pretty much Lynn's protege,  Kenny was a nice-looking lad, brown hair, cut short on the back and sides.  He had slight dimples.  Kenny always tried his best to dress nicely too.  He talks with a slur stemming from a terrible head injury early in life.  Kenny is a severe epileptic.  He has also walked somewhat of a rocky road, with many of his terrible; tales involving the police; and every other kind of craziness you could imagine.  He and Lynn would always compare stories.  It was one of their favorite past-times, next to living the stories themselves.
 
 
Lynn had dark hair, with sometimes a strip of red.  It hung straight; it looked like the rock guy, the one with the bandana but, hers was black and fell halfway down her back, just like his hair does.  It hangs with natural style, with a bang or so, hanging down in the front.  She was an average size lady.  She used to be a real looker, back in the day, driving any man; or woman she preferred, absolutely, crazy. Lyn was gay, so she often coached Kenny as a young man about what the opposite sex liked.  They often joke about things, still now, after all these years. 
The two now had covered ninety or so miles.  They remained in silence most of the way. 
"Hey Lynn, get me a drink while I use the bathroom,” Kenny demanded, jokingly, of course.  "Shit-head," she said under her breath, "Okay, whadaya want?"
"Bitch you know I drink Gin & Juice!" Kenny chuckled, almost crying because he was in such a chipper mood. His red eyes glared from the bright lights of the convenience mart; the lights were extremely; bright, mirroring from the floor. 
"KENNY; Lenny barked; "WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT TO DRINK?" she snarled, and then the sides of her lips barely bent upwards.  Lynn moved her head slowly, left to right, back and forth.  She cracked a small grin at the beginning of her turn.  Kenny noticed her faint grin before she turned.  He turned and proceeded to the restroom with a big grin on his face.  Lynn continued to the drink section; she finally found it.  She slowly paced side to side, searching.  
"YES!" Lynn exclaimed under her breath.  She slowly reached into the chilly; fridge and got her favorite drink with one final:
"Yep, yep, yep, yep!" she gave one last whisper of glee before she twisted around and made her way down the candy section.  Moving at almost a snail's pace, but still moving, glancing nonchalantly, down to the side row of sweet delights.  She reached into her side jacket pocket, shifting it all around to appear as though she was looking for something.  She slowly began retrieving her hand.  In doing so, she purposely made a quarter fall out, bouncing on the floor close to the candy.  She had a pocket full of change but used a quarter because its weight is heavier and will surely make enough noise for the clerk to see.  So, she would have a reason to bend over closer to the candy.  The shiny coin sharply banged, bouncing to the right, landing right on the lower candy shelf. 
"Hell yea, perfect!" she privately thought.  The clerk glanced up at her for a second, long enough to see her bend over, grunting in pain, as to show her back pain, giving her even more reason to be awkwardly reaching to the side.  He immediately drew his attention back to his article, glancing back up quickly to the right outside to the lot.  He starred with a lonely look on his face, watching life go by; and by this time Lynn had easily packed several bars of chocolate, plus a few bags of gummy bears, with no chance of being spotted by the harmless toothpick behind the counter.  Lynn had finished her shopping and walked with a spring in her step, appearing to be in the grandest mood, totally, without worry; about that time, Kenny appeared from the heavy door of the restroom.  Meeting Lynn at the counter.
"I see you're having yourself a nightcap?" Kenny rhetorically asked.  "Do you think getting a beer is the smartest thing?" he whispered.
"Your right," she said with a smirk; Lynn returned to the cooler, jerked the door back open, and put the beer back.  She closed the heavy cooler door; while using her other hand to open the door right beside and wretch way back inside, then retrieved her new beverage of choice.  She had decided on a six-pack instead.  Kenny shrugged his shoulders with one shake of his head to the side and back.
"Kenny, I figured you'd drink one with me?"
"Yeah bitch, and I thought you were gonna smoke crack with Eric too!" strongly showing his point, with a comedic; yet sarcastic tone.  Eric was this guy they both knew, that used to a known addict.  Now he's just an addict.  At least that's what Kenny thought of him as. 
"What are you, the beer police?"  Lynn asked.
 
while cracking another, this time devious grin. 
"Na Mutha fu*ka, ain't you on probation for that kind of sh*t already?"  They talk in that kind of slang sometimes.  They started doing it, just being goofy at first but then got into the habit of phrasing things a certain way.
"I only have three more months; fool!"
"NICE!" Kenny said, he was going along with her confident boast, even though he thought to himself, that in-no way did that defend her action.  Kenny released a shallow chuckle.  Kenny was quiet, intelligent, he just was in the habit of making poor decisions.  Also, he hung out with a rotten crowd.  That was a joke they had between them sometimes.
"WHAT THE HELL?" The lonely man yelled as he pressed his hands to the glass window, glaring out. He jumped across the counter and broke into a run towards the gas pumps. Someone was pulling off without paying.  Lynn and Kenny, simultaneously, without even looking at each other for the opportunity for one to say; that "Maybe
 It wasn't a good idea. No; the two started ravishing every do-dad, lighter, and Slim-Jim they could fit.  They had loaded up pretty good; and then casually walked out of the store, passing the out-off breath worker.
After his failed attempt to stop the daring robbers, The clerk was very rattled by the first set of bandits; he didn't even notice the second set of No-good-nicks who made off without paying for their gas either.
 
 
They wanted to get back on the road fast, to make up time. The pair blasted down the on-ramp fit to tackle the rest of the trip, the two laughed and laughed about how they literally; got a SWEET deal back there.  Kenny gave a sly smile and laid back to spark another one.  He took several puffs, coughing as he exhaled a cloud of the potent smoke. 
"Here bitch; you hit this... I'ma light a cigarette, he said.  He lit up, exhaled slowly, and wretched for his drink.
"Gd-Damn it!" Kenny said, “All that sh*t we just did, and still forgot my green soda!  What the hell Lynn?" he said. 
"Hey shi*t-head," she replied, "I didn't know I handled your drink consumption."
"Congratulations, you said a big word.  Can you spell it?" Kenny thought that was so funny.  Lynn responded:
"Yeah, I can spell it, di*k head, It’s K-I- iss my as*!"
 snickering as she toked.
"Open me a beer Kenny;" she asked while reaching for the radio to get some music going.  That never takes them long to agree on.  They loved rock'n roll, to say the last.  Lynn was on her third beer; they were on their fourth smoke stick when Kenny pointed out that some interstate signs looked familiar.  They had been driving for almost an hour, "Lynn am I high, or have we seen that same sign before?"
"GD-DAMN IT KENNY!"  "We've been driving the wrong fuck’n direction for a whole fuck'n hour!"
 "We're supposed to be going west but you let us go down the wrong ramp dumb-a*s!"
"Gd-damn it!" Lynn scoffed, rolled her window down, and heaved her third empty bottle of beer out of the window with disgust from the mistake.
Kenny spoke up:
"Did you bump your head as hard as I did, cause you drive'n, mutha-fu*ka!"  Kenny said, still with a playful tone.
"Maybe you stopped after that second beer?"  Then Kenny really started a good chuckle.  Lynn bent her elbow to bring her fist up, to drop it hard onto Kenny's privates.
"Mother Fucker!" She barked, in a low-toned, hardened voice.  She had missed, Kenny had swung his knees to the right to dodge her half-drunken swing.  Kenny came back with a counter though, he quickly wretch over and twisted her nipple, right through her shirt because she never wore a bra.  He got her good.  She yelled...
"Ha-Ha-Ha!"  Kenny let out a bragging laugh.  They had to travel another five miles to get off on an exit and go the proper way; basically, starting their trip completely over maybe a few miles shy, but close enough. 
Finally, back going the right way, after already driving for an hour. 
"Sh*t happens," Lynn said.
"Really?" Kenny asked with total sarcasm, "Really, does sh*t just happen "Buddha?" he added to his quick insult.
"KEEP THE CAR ON THE ROAD BITCH!" Kenny yelled; as Lynn had dropped her cigarette and wretch down to get it, and almost lost control of the wheel.
"Do I need to drive? You drunk-a*s!"
"Hell no, you seizure haven’t prick!" she immediately replied. "We'll surely die then!"
 
Our hero's had been back on the road, going the right way, this time, for probably twenty minutes. 
"Look at that," Lynn says, "That's somebody walk'n, Kenny,"
"Well, let that mother-Fucka keep on walk'n bitch!"  Kenny growled, right before he placed the straw back up his nose while leaning his head down; to target his crusher with the now powdered pain medicine inside:
"Snnnuh, Ahha-hah!" "Hell yeah..."  Kenny bragged,
"You better hope they don't find that on you," Lynn warned,
"Don't worry bitc* they won't; I'ma tell'em it's yours!" Kenn smugly grinned.
"That's okay; I'ma tell'em I got it from you a*s-hole! Lynn returned.  Then they both just chuckled with glee.
"Nah," Kenny refuted; "Pull over," he urged, "It might be a fine a*s be-atch... he spoke, as they often do. 
"Shi*t; bi*ch; you wouldn't know what to do any-damn-way!"  Lynn scoffed.  She signaled and pulled to the right; probably 15 feet ahead of the drifter who picked up his pace with a hurried jog. 
"Of course; it's a fat bastard! God-dam* it;" Kenny sighed.  He was very disappointed.  The stranger rushed to the window.  Kenny cracked it just enough,
"Hey brother, Whaddaya say?" Kenny greeted the man. 
"Think’s guys!" The man exclaimed,
"My name's Garrett" 
"Hey Garret, how'd you wind up out here, walk'n?"  Lynn inquired.
"Yeah, never mind all that shit, where are you try'n to get to?" Kenny interrupted.
Lynn wretch the smoking joint to the new guy in the back seat.  The guy seemed to have a look similar to their own and his speech as well.  So she figured he was "Cool." 
"Thank ya, Mam," Garett said, as he was receiving the smoking tweed. 
"Call me Lynn," she told him,
"Yea," Kenny said, “She likes it best when people call her Lynnie,” he giggled, the before Lynn could respond, he stuck his finger in his mouth, wet it, and stuck it in Lynn's ear, moving it all around really good; inside.
"EEEKK! You 'Lil bastard!" she cringed before she shot her arm out to the side and caught him in the lower side of his chest with the back of her fist. 
"UUMMPH!" it even made a noise; she got him pretty good. 
"I told you punk!" she laughed, "You better quit fuck'n with me!"
Garette was laughing in the back.
She looked back and told him that:
"He," motioning to Kenny, "You see; outta the two of us, who really has the balls right Gerr?" she only said the first part of his name, for short.
The man said he was going as far west as they could take him. 
Kenny's phone went off; Lynn rolled her eyes, as they all could hear his ridiculous ringtone.  It was a woman breathing heavily with the slow, smacking, sucker sound that two lips make during oral sex.  Kenny let out a belly laugh at the perverted sounds coming from his phone. 
"WHAT THE HELL!"  Garette blurted out with laughter as well.  Lynn chuckled finally gave out a small laugh. 
"Yo bit*h! What's happen'n?"  Kenny answered with happiness and vigor.  "Nah, I'm ride'n with Lynn's punk as out of state for a day or so.  She wants me to keep her safe!" He ended his sentence with laughter.  "Okay, babe, I'll holler at ya later, alright bye-bye!"  He ended his call, then leaned his head over towards Lynn and said,
"Mom says hi..."  Then he cackled off another couple of laughs.
"Yeah right,” Lynn answered.  "Nah, who was that?" she asked,
"Ahh," Kenny said, "Just one my ho's; ho!"
Garette, snickering in the back; the entire time. Garette was a slender guy, still; muscular, His hair was short and brown; his voice rang Appalachian. Lynn had commented on how young and cute he looked. Lynn could always make the younger guy’s blush and most older; ones too. Lynn was flirting with him only, in a funny way, because she knew he was more than likely intimidated by her because of her age and; general swag of an "Ole' pimp," only the female version. 
"I don't know Kenny. You think he could handle me?" as she glanced toward Garette in the back, grinning at Kenny, as if it was an inside joke between them, really just playing around still. They all; QUICKLY JERKED TWO THE LEFT!
"GD-DAM* IT!" Lynn roared, as she swerved to pull the car back in their lane.
"Garette, my man, do you want this last beer? before this drunk bitch kills us?"
"Nah, man, I don't drink," he said. 
"Me neither!" He lowered the window and threw her beer out. 
"GOD-DAM* IT KENNY!" She was actually mad now. 
"I can't help it! I'm sorry but, nobody needs six damn beers, for only being on the road twenty minutes!" he said, "So God-dam* yourself dyke!" Kenny fired back, followed by a small giggle. 
"Garette; you see my obvious point, right?" Kenny asked. 
"I'm not in it, hahaha," the new guy gasped.
"Smart man, " Lynn complimented. Lynn was pis*ed off; she had said nothing for a few seconds,
"I luuuv you Lyyynnniieee..." Kenny said; in a playful voice, with a soft smile.
"Shi*-head..." she gasped in a low tone; she had begun her faint grin halfway through her gasp.
Lynn's half-smirk turned into a defeated, or at least a respectful, yet loving smile.  "It's okay; I love ya, little brother." 
 
 
By now, our newfound crew of three had traveled for roughly two more hours. They had covered around 185 miles.  Lynn had nearly sobered up without counting the pills and almost constant intake of T.H.C. 
Garette had fallen asleep in the back.   
"BAETHUUMP!!!"  “FLOOVEB FLLOOBBBE FLOB!”
"AHH!"  "GOD-DAMN IT!  THE FUC*ING TIRE!"
"What the fu*k?"  Kenny lets out a low grumble.
Lynn tries her best to steady the car.  Kenny pushes himself back upright in the seat to see the solid while line going under the middle of the car.  The car felt like it was sailing on a rough ocean ride.  Because of the side gravel and the lift bump onto the highway. That sound it makes, almost like the sound of a popcorn maker but instead of a high-powered popcorn maker, making that noise.  It was the gravel and concrete combined, wielding an unnerving; up and down, slow motion ride because of the olden shocks; and worn-out suspension of the ragged station wagon.  And of course, the blown tire was not the best combination.  Especially for Garette!  He bailed out of the back and began hacking and coughing, spewing his sickness on the ground; Kenny and Lynn had already started with the insults to his genital area for him getting sick.  Garette continued with his gags and dry coughs. 
"Damn Kenny, he sounds like you the other night when you were choke'n on that dick!
"Yeah, yeah," he said, "That only happened twice bitch...!"  By this time, Garette had almost caught his breath. He saw these two, and he's thinking:
"What kind of people done picked me up?" He hears them talking to each other. Garette couldn't believe what he had just heard Lynn say to "Lil brother," as the two had told him they were, brother & sister. And what's even more strange was how Kenny answered such a question with such an answer so casually. He had a half-hearted yet guarded smile on his face, barely showing any teeth. Unsure if he should follow his thoughts and bust out into laughter, or should he stay guarded; for a few more seconds, with his faint smile, to see what's going to happen next between his now, two fellow scoundrels, of course; the pair of best buds just laughed it off. 
"Well, fu*k us!" Lynn snarls,
"What the hell?" Kenny exclaimed.
"You have a spare, don't you?" Garette asks the two. 
"I didn't even check, is there a spare tire, Kenny?" Lynn questioned. 
Kenny snapped back with a sharp tone: 
"Who do you think I am, bitch; "The Mikey, Tire man" or somebody?" followed by a slight, condescending chuckle.
While those two were back and forth with each other, Garette had spontaneously sprinted down the side of the highway. It was slow traffic, and the sun was in the right spot to make himself very visible to the traffic. He waited till he saw a van coming up the hill.
"I got this," he said, he ran into the middle of the road, which sounds dangerous, but at least he did it at the right time so the van could see him in plenty of time. He gets into a lane and just collapses his body, with a flat drop, portraying he fainted; so, the driver would see him, and at least they could ask for a ride. Lynn and Kenny looked at each other at the start of his run; they both gasped; the pair then both; shook their heads from the side and smirked.  Looking back to their newly found sidekick, as he ran toward on-coming traffic.
"SCREEECH!" the red van had slammed on his breaks and swerved to the left, sliding to a slow stop. That made the; following car also slide to the left; banging into the guardrail but didn't stop; they kept ongoing. 
"Hah!" Lynn gasped, "Crazy asses!" she said,
"You KNOW those as*holes were "Ride'n dirty!" Kenny said:
"They must have said: 'Fuck that bumper! " Holding his side from laughter. He then delivered a few more insults toward the police, Kenny; laughed at his own; comedic genius. Garette had a good idea, he thought, to make sure the van had plenty of time to see him, so the driver should surely stop, but he wasn't allotting; that the driver may have been tuning their radio or something of that sort. It was too late for either of them to help him now, regardless. By this time, the first red van stayed still, blocking two lanes. Another car skids a short distance after dodging the van and landed instead into the guardrail. More than enough; for the occupants to exit and check. The other vehicle had crashed into the van's bumper but kept traveling, as they allegedly had drugs and did not want to deal with the police, according to Kenny; with all his "Great Wisdom..." Lynn would bring out sarcasm from time to time. She would tease him about it; he would just call her a diesel dyke or something; laugh and keep on trucking. It was funny to the two that; they could see Garette and what a fine job of directing traffic he had started. Raising his head and peeping out of one eye to see who was watching. Everyone was, as they all had gotten out of their vehicles, starring at their cars, each other, and Garette. Lynn and Kenny were not the only ones to see Garette playing "peek-A-boo." Almost everybody did; it looked like he was about to get it from all of them. The guy from the red van and three people got out of the other car. Two guys and a girl, the one guy stayed chill, but the girl and the other guy were trying to get Garette on his feet as the girl was screaming in his face. It was looking hairy for Garette!
"Let's go!" Kenny urged; the two of them rushed across the highway to aid their newly found travel companion.
 
 
"HEY! HEY! HEY!" Lynn yelled as she and her sidekick crashed into the middle of the rowdy group, making their way in-between Garette and the annoyed crowd surrounding him. 
"HEY! HEY! HEY!" Lynn yelled as she and her sidekick crashed into the middle of the rowdy group, making their way in-between Garett and the annoyed crowd surrounding him. 
"Calm down fellas!" Kenny adds, he was more passive than Lynn.
"YOUR GD-DAMN RIGHT, YOU BETTER CALM YOUR ASS*S DOWN!" Lynn demands, Lynn; is kind of loud with her speech anyway, so when being aggressive, she usually gets her point across and then some.
"GET THE FUC* OFF OF HIM!" she snarled. "Don't you see he's hurt?" "DAMN!" she continued. Kenny remained silent as Lynn seemed to get them settled by herself. Of course, even though Kenny would let Lynn do most of the talking, he was always ready on a moment's notice for Lynn, where Kenny was no stranger to violent situations himself, though he didn't really like confrontation. 
"Don't you see this guy's hurt?" Lynn asked.
"What do you mean?" the one guy replied,
"This dumb-as* ran out in front of me!" Lynn persisted, reiterating her point, how she had seen the boy fall, and he needed help. During Lynn's rant of cussing the now, confused strangers. 
"UMMPH!" "AAIIHH!"
Without warning! Not sure of what was about to happen, Garette threw a hefty kick to the lower leg of the older lady to his right, sweeping her legs right out from under her. The woman shouted painfully as she landed on her butt.
"OH SNAP!" Garette blurted with an alarming gasp. The other people had instinctively wretch down to help the lady. Garette turned and lunged towards the still running van! Kenny and Lynn looked at each other before immediately launching for the side-doors joining their apparent, unpredictable new friend. Lynn and Kenny were thinking, right before they jumped into what was soon to be; a stolen automobile; was they did not want to be stuck on the side of the road.  Who knows what was on Garett’s mind. Three doors slammed, and the trio sped off, leaving the group behind.
"WHAT THE FUCK, GARETTE?" Kenny yelled,
"Yeah, G." Lynn joined, "I about had them under control," she said.
Garette told them he wasn't risking it.
"Why?" Kenny asked, "Are you wanted or something?" Garette remained quiet.
"ARE YOU SHITTING ME?  Lynn asked. "Why didn't you tell us?" Lynn scowled, mumbling under her breath.
 
"Kenny cut me off before I could answer you," he said. 
"Let me get this straight! " She said, "You didn't think that may have been an important piece of information you may have mentioned?"
"Your man here cut me off when you asked, Lynn!" Garette pleaded, 
"Really?" Lynn reacted.  
"Yeah," Garette replied, "I got caught stealing cars. 
"I think this van was the quickest one I've ever pulled." he smiled and shook his head up and then back down with boasting approval. 
"How much time are they try'n to give ya? How many cars did you steal?" Lynn asked; as she lit one up, toked it twice, then slipped a look back at Garette, then nodded with a grin.
"Thirty-two," he answered with pride. His teeth well showing from the smile on his face.
"Well," Lynn said, "I reckon you're gonna have to make it thirty-three."
"What are you talk'n bout? Garette asked.
"We gotta change cars, new guy," Kenny interjected.  Garette said that wouldn't be a problem. Lynn looked back at Kenny. He was in the back seat with his head looking at the floorboard, slowly shaking his head from side to side; Lynn asked why he was grinn'n.
"Cause this mutha fucKer crazy as Hell!" Kenny's slight grin turned to belly laughter. "'Oh yeah, by the way, there Van Damm. What's up with break'n grandma's leg back there.
"Lynn gave me the sign!" Garette said.
"I never gave you no God dam* sign dumbass!" Lynn yelled! By this time, Kenny had tears in his eyes from laughing so hard.
"And even if I did give you a sign, it wouldn't be to leg-sweep an old lady!" Kenny chimes in again, "This is so bad!" he said, still gigging. Lynn said that they did have to ditch their current wheels.
"Let's pull over at a rest-stop bitches!"
"Watch your mouth!" Kenny snapped! Garette said that he was only playing. He said they seriously needed to pull into one. They spotted a sign for a resting place two miles ahead. Garette exits, then quickly into a parking place. He asked his new partners which one they wanted.
"It's that easy, huh? In that case, get that Ferrari over there!"
"Okay," Garette said. He sprung out the door of their new car. After taking a few steps, he turned and came back to the window.
"Hey guys, don't you think a Ferrari may draw some attention?"
"Your right man, just pick something, Kenny told him... Garette agreed. He told them he would be right back. He walked a few cars down out of Kenny and Lynn's view. They heard tires screaming. "What the hell?” Lynn exclaimed!
"'Oh Lawdy," Kenny chuckled. Garette skidded to a stop behind them.
"What the hell?" Lynn yelled! "You decide on a red HUMMER?"
"Hey Lynn, I like the rims, how bout’ you?" Kenny teased,
"Yeah... They match the tinted windows..." Garette smiled.
“Are you just slow, son?" Lynn asked as she stepped up into the monstrosity of a vehicle. Kenny was snickering again as he crawled into the back.
Garette asked Lynn if she wanted to drive. She stared at him with a stern gaze.
He told her he was just playing. The trio soon was blasting into the fast lane onto the interstate.
"Yayyeah!" Garette yelled with glorious enthusiasm, holding his hands up in the air in celebration stemming from his thirty-third lift.
"Sister," Kenny says to Lyn, "How do we get ourselves into these situations?"
"F*ck if I know," she smiled and shook her head."
 "F*ck it!" she said, pulling out a fresh joint and began flicking her lighter. Before shaking it,
"GD DAMN IT!" she said as she threw it out the window.
"Here b*tch. I got you." Kenny wretch her a zippo from the back seat. Lynn fired it up, hit it, and passed it to Garette. Holding the joint tightly between his lips, still showing a concealed grin. "Let's see what we sound'n like!" as he turns the radio on. The bass is hurting all of their ears, but nobody wanted to be the first to complain. Garett’s head was bobbing, nodding his head back and forth, up, and down with the blaring music. His shoulders were even bouncing, jamming.
"So where, were you guys heading; to begin with?"
"West," Lynn said.
"What's going on out west?" Garette asked. The car remained silent, awaiting Lynn's response.
"What all is going on, out west, Lynn?" Kenny asked. He went on to say, that she never explained any details.
"Cause bitch," Lynn said. "I don't be discuss'n my business in front of snitches!" Kenny spat his drink out of his deviated septum, forced by his laughter, at Lynn's far-fetched comment. Lynn wiped a tear from her eyes from all the laughing. They were pretty fu*king high, and both appreciated a good joke. As the giggles faded, Kenny, who knew Lynn didn't wear a bra, wretch over and gave her a titty twister.
"OOOWW! GD DAMN IT KENNY! YOU LITTLE BASTARD!”
Kenny brought the laughter back. This of course, had Garret back in stiches.
"You two are quite the pair," he commented.
"AIN’T NUTH’N QUIET ABOUT THIS BITCH!" Kenny scoffed while grinning.
"Alright where we going’, Player Hater? Kenny smirked at Lynn.
“You sure do ask a lot of questions. You ain’t wear’n another wire, are you?”
“Bitch I ain’t never wore a GDDAMN WIRE! Now where are we going? For real G…”
“TEXAS! Damn it… Lynn blurted.
“Well excuse me for ask’n, simple bitch! I didn’t know we were going that far. Kenny shook his head from side to side.
I forget, what was it, we were going out here for.” he asked.
“Cigarettes!” she answered.
“What the fuck?” We’re going all the way to Texas for a pack of fuck’n smokes!”
“More like, two hundred.” Lynn corrected him.
“Two hundred packs? How?” Kenny asked.
“No dumb ass, she said. Two hundred cartons!”
“Yeah, how we gonna do that, Lynn? Garette chimed in.
“Oh, hell, look who’s ask’s questions now. Kenny spoke out, Lynn, you think we should check HIM for a wire?” Lynn snickered.
“Maybe!” she said, joining Kenny’s teasing session.
“Fuck ya’ll!” Garret said, with laughter. You could tell that Garret looked up to his new travel companions. He knew right away, they all had similar outlooks.
Kenny and Lynn were fond of Garret as well. For he reminded the two of their now passed friend Clarence. In fact, Kenny had just started telling the story where a long time ago, Clarence was asking Kenny about a bump on his penis. He even tried to show Kenny. Kenny acted like he really was concerned and told Clarence he should put mustard all over it and let it stay for twenty-four hours. He swore by it, saying that he knew for a fact that this homemade remedy would surely work. Really, Kenny just wanted to see if he could trick his goofy friend to wear mustard on his dick for a day. Kenny had tears in his eyes from laughing at his own story, as he spoke about his old friend.
The trio finally arrived at a small hotel, at the Texas border. Apparently, Lynn’s hookup was only 30 or so miles away.
Lynn had finally let the boys in on her plan. She told them that she had set it up with a guy, to get her a few hundred cartons of cigarettes. Lynn went on to tell the boys the details of her master plan. Then she began to tell how important it was to know every single bit of whatever plan you have. They agreed. Kenny then asked where the smokes were coming from.
“Hell, if I know…” Lynn said. Kenny and Garret just stared at her in disbelief.
“You high bitch!” Kenny said. “What’s the fucking plan?”
“Not no big deal,” she said. She said she needed to stop at a store to get some rolling papers and beer.
“Sure,” Kenny said. “I don’t guess one twelve pack is enough for the road, huh?”
“See Garret! I think Kenny really does work for the police!” Laughter exploded from the stolen Hummer.
“BOOM, FLAP FLAP FLAP FLAP FLAP”
“FUCK! THE TIRE!” Lynn yells!
“What the fuck did you do, Lynn? I can’t believe this shit!” Kenny gasped. “On the side of the road again…”
Garette throws his thumb in the air. Lynn told him to stick that thumb up his ass.
“Let’s walk!” She cussed.
They walked through the evening, Garette listened closely as the other two exchanged stories about their good times, from the past.  Lynn had started off with the tale of how she was at a party, when she tattooed a guy’s but cheeks. She put the capitol letter M, on each butt cheek. So, when he mooned people, it would read MOM. And if he stood on his head, it would read, WOW! Lynn and Kenny laughed. Garret had tears in his eyes from laughing so hard.
They noticed some lights from a store, up ahead.
“FINALLY!” Garret shouts.
“What happened, did your big boy hair grow in or something, Garret?” Lynn, still in a jokingly mood, teased. His only reply was,
“Yeah yeah…”  They arrived; into the parking lot they went.
“Look at all the nice cars, Lynn!”
“Kenny don’t you even think about it!” Lynn said, in a stern voice.
“Shut up bitch, I ain’t doing nuth’n!” Lynn told him, to be sure he didn’t. Kenny then called her a dirty cunt licker, they all laughed. Lynn had said that to Kenny, because well, really, trouble seemed to always find him. Also, Kenny was a kleptomaniac…  And she was already very stressed. They all had walked into the store to look around and get some drinks. Lynn and Garette were standing beside each other, looking into the cooler. They got their beverages and began to walk away. Garret asked where Kenny had gone. Lynn looked to the left side of the store, out the window to the parking lot.
“This silly son of a bitch! Look Garret… Garret turned and saw Kenny outside pulling on door handles trying to get into this big red truck. He wasn’t even being sneaky about it. He was right outside the store with a big window. Lynn and Garret put their drinks down to go get him. By the time they had gotten out, Kenny was already walking back toward the door.
“What are you doing, dumbass?” Lynn asked. He told her that he was just looking around. Kenny walked on in the store and Lynn and Garret continued outside and walked to the drink machine. Lynn was reaching to get the second drink out for him. About that time, two police cars pulled in. Of course, the two were paranoid.
Kenny then came walking out, unsure of what was happening. He saw Garret and Lynn, and Lynn was talking to the police. Lynn is a loud talker anyway, but she was talking extra loud now. Kenny slowly was walking up to the officers, and as he walked, he could overhear Lynn talking to the police. He heard her explaining about his head injury from when he was younger. The closer he got, the more he heard Lynn talk about, how the left side of his brain was smashed like a tomato. Which was true; however, Kenny was considered a miracle to some. He was very lucky, to have come out of the hospital. So technically, he does have brain damage, just not as much as he was about to let on… As Kenny overheard Lynn’s big mouth saying:
“Officer, I’m sorry. My baby brother had a critical head injury when he was younger. The left side of his brain don’t work right, and he just loves trucks. He’s fascinated by them so much,” and so on… And she was laying it on thick! Kenny picked up on her lead, just like Lynn had hoped he would. Kenny probably was about ten feet from the policemen, and he began walking oddly. He was walking with what looked like, a sideways kind of limp. He was looking mostly to the right, even though he was walking straight. He did good. He really looked convincing, as if he were bad off, with special needs. Kenny continued with his awkward trudge toward the circle of cops and Lynn. Officer Gordon looked down at Kenny, and with a curious look, and began speaking.
“Do ya like trucks, son?” Officer Gordon asked, Kenny steadily focusing to the right, as if he could not help it.
“Yeah,” he immediately answered, “I like trucks.” And from that point, it was Kenny’s show. He pointed toward the same truck that he had tried to pillage. “That kind goes fast and will climb real good mountains.” Then snapped his head back to the right of the parking lot. Lynn cracked a grin, shaking her head from left to right. She looked down to the pavement and almost broke into laughter, but pretended to cough, raising her fist to cover her smiles. Kenny continued to describe his love for trucks, and that they go fast. It was all Kenny could do himself, to keep a straight face while attempting to keep them all out of jail. He kept overstating the fact that he liked trucks. Lynn watched and listened to Kenny and the officer go back and forth with their discussion.
“Yeah, I like trucks.” Kenny was even so bold, as to reference a famous movie, where the guy’s brother is handicapped. He was hopeful that they would not recognize the reference from tv.
“I gotta go to K-Store and get some toy trucks and underwear. Varoom varoom!” Kenny continued, while barley letting drool drop from the corners of his mouth. Lynn watched as Kenny spat different sentence fragments, explaining how he liked trucks.
Kenny, knowing she did not like it, but called the name out anyway, because he knew that she had no choice but to roll with it. He snapped back to the right in order to look Lynn in the eyes. “Lyyynnieee, are we going to be home in time to watch my favorite court show?” He followed it up by winking at her. Officer Gordon, nor the other cops saw the wink, lucky for them.  
“I don’t know baby, I gotta say, I just don’t know.”
Kenny then softened his expression; he began to look very sad, as he turned back to Gordon. This really got to the officer, he was really taken in by this wholesome scene.
 
 It was, indeed, Kenny’s show; however, Lynn would receive an award for best supporting actress. Then Kenny turned back to officer Gordon to finish up. By now, Lynn had actual tears in her eyes, from inner joy and laughter.
 “It’ll be okay, Ms. Lynn, he’s probably a pretty good boy, he’ll be alright.” Gordon said, in a now, eased tone. “Yeah, I hope…  Lynn responded. “Sometimes, It’s just so hard.” She even added on a sniffle in. He patted her on the shoulder, then he walked over to his partners, to talk.   Lynn stared at Kenny, in disbelief…
“My ‘Lil brother…” she thought to herself. “And if anybody was ever to pull this one off, it would be, one Mr. Kenny Smith!” Garret didn’t know what to think about these two. He had never saw this side of Kenny. No one had, including Kenny himself. This was brand new! An act that would no doubt be told for years-to-come. Another officer spoke up and asked if Garret was with those two. Lynn answered quickly, saying that no, they had only just met inside the store. She was giving Garret a way out. Knowing that he already had charges awaiting. Garret was then told to “Move on…”  He, by now, had realized what was going on. Garret said bye to Lynn, and then stared at Kenny, smiling while shaking his head. He told Kenny goodbye. And ended it by telling him, good luck with finding his perfect truck. Lynn still shaking her head, busting with laughter inside.
Fifteen minutes later, (Beavis and Butthead) were headed down the highway in the back seat of a police car. Only Kenny and Lynn were not under arrest, on their way to jail. Instead, the two had finagled a free ride to the next county. The officer’s felt sorry for the pair, and that they had been stranded. Lynn was able to sit back and enjoy the free ride, however; Kenny was still in the spotlight. He couldn’t just sit and relax, no he had to stay in character. For the rest of the ride, Kenny stayed positioned close to the door, while steadily bumping his head back and forth, against the window repeatedly, while purposely drooling on himself. Lynn looking at him, still grinning, slowly shaking her head. It was safe to say, for sure, that if not before, then definitely now. These two were the perfect match, and literal, partners in crime.
 
Dedicated to my ‘Pal, Clarence Lee Prater.  Judy Lynn & Kelly Scott
                Deepwater Writing - 5/26/2022 – Kelly Scott